Silence.
lately, days have been gloomy and unhappy. exam stress? perhaps. but i realise i aint that smart as i thot to be.
yesterday after completing the cm2111 paper, i let out a huge sigh of relief. paper was diffcult, but there were some that cld be done. a passing grade shldnt be a problem, but not a A definitely. im sorry alaric.
by the way, im here bcos im attaching a very big file to my mum so tt she can print it for my cm2142 paper on tuesday 1pm.
as i was on the way home, i thot about alot of stuff. this path has been so wrong for me. from the day i got into crescent till this very day, perhaps it has been such a wrong path.
when i first got my PSLE result slip, it read 247. delighted, i was. of course, who wldnt be? and i happily went to crescent. i went there bcos i liked the uniform and bcos it was just beside my grandma's place. (i stayed there when i was young.) 5 min walk only. my peers woke up at 6am to prepare for sch while i wake up at 6.45am.
i didnt know entering a girls' sch could be so different from a mixed sch. but well, tt is beside the point. the point is, entering such a good sch (as everyone presumed it to be) was a form of pressure itself. i was ranked the last during my sec 1 year. and i worked hard during sec 2 to pull it all back. and then gradually, as we went on to sec 3, everyone was made to take pure science regardless of aptitude. i took pure physics (which i very much dread) and pure chemistry (which was supposedly my passion). and as usual, double maths, double humans, double language. everyone thot i was smart. yeah, i thot i was too cos most of my peers (outside sch) took sub science.
i had a chemistry teacher that cldnt teach very well. i cldnt ustand wat she was talking most of time. nt just me, all of my friends. so i decided to study on my own to pull up my grades. i took my chemistry textbook (which i still keep it in a v good condition till this very day) and started revision on my own. and guess wat? i managed to ustand most of the concepts tt most of my peers cldnt. i did well during chemistry quizzes and tests. so ahhh, u see, i thot i was good in chemistry.
a thin line between passion and being good at something.
my sch had abt 97% of the entire cohort entering a JC. so being a copycat and a trend follower, i entered SAJC. i was disappointed that i got a A2 for my geography when it cld have been a A1. since chemistry was A1, so might as well do chemistry rite? i figured out that i cant write (it is still true :D) so i chose the science stream. wat else can i take? maths C, chemistry and econ.
physics? no, i cant ustand physics theories well.
F maths? i used to like maths, but you know, sometimes overly-intensive practice makes one sick.
biology? cannot, no biology background.
then no more oreadi can.
so i happily stuck to this combination. gradually got my A level results. of course, i was happy w my results. i cld choose anything faculty i wan.
nus
business? no, i didnt have any interest at all.
engineering? cant la, i sux at physics.
arts? I CANT WRITE.
design? i didnt think of tt cos i always link art and craft to design. i always get c6 for art.
music? i bet u dun wanna hear me sing.
law/medicine/dentistry? no interest.
smu
sch of business, accountacy, info system? NEVER CROSS MY MIND BEFORE.
ntu
same as smu la.
now these reasons are nt imtp.
the impt thing to recognise is i am in nus - faculty of science. why? cos my chemistry got A, my maths got A, so i reckon tt i am good at SCIENCES. okay, so w/o any consideration, i chose faculty of science.
now, i dunno where i am. i cant seem to comprehend science theories and i find them a hurdle to overcome. it is tough and my understanding of such theories have worsen. sumtimes i try to console myself by telling myself tt the scholars ususally occupy the first half of the bell curve, leaving local students with grades of Bs and Cs. but hey, im lying to myself if i really say tt rite? cos i've seen smart and intelligent local students as well. esp those who graduated from poly.
i like the feeling when pp go WOW YOU STUDY CHEMISTRY? WAH SO CHIM. or people also go like WAH U SO SMART AH, CHEMISTRY NOT EASY TO STUDY. (i found out that you dun need straight As to enter faculty of science. average of Bs and As will do.) or they also say U STUDY CHEMISTRY? SURE NOT? YOU ARE NOT GEEKY WAT. but i cant lie to myself anymore.
the only thing left is either i am lazy or i have no aptitude.
no, it shldnt be either or. it shld be AND.
you guys must wonder why im harping on this all the time. bcos to me, it is impt for me to do sth tt is related to my degree. i often dream of working in a lab, doing my R&D, performing quality control. or i will imagine myself getting a phd and everyone would have to address me as dr yong.
you know sth? nippon came up with the odourless paint. i had this idea since sec 4. i told myself to enter into the paint or pen-ink or other material related industry when i grow up. one down. nothing for me to dream of anymore.
life itself is short. i wanna live my life doing sth related to my passion otherwise life would be monotonous and boring.
since my presumed chemistry turned out to be such a mistake, i have to look for alternatives.
i regret not going for the emirates flight attendant interview on wedneday at grand corpthrone hotel.
but it is alrite. such chances will come by again.
first, i have to complete my degree.
then, i will look into my interest again. for now, event management would be my top interest besides the dream to travel the world.
PS: im nt withdrawing myself frm my dreams and presumed interest bcos i cant compete w the scholars to get good results. but rather the intensive revision and the close interaction that i have with this field has made me realised that you need passion to carry on doing it. sth which i lack very much. whether im good at it or not, is one issue. but you need to like it before u can imagine urself doing it for the rest of ur life. im nt an idealist. but really, who wldnt wanna do sth tt is closely related to themselves or their degree/masters/phd for their rest of their life to better it?
wat a thin line btw passion and being good at something.
yesterday after completing the cm2111 paper, i let out a huge sigh of relief. paper was diffcult, but there were some that cld be done. a passing grade shldnt be a problem, but not a A definitely. im sorry alaric.
by the way, im here bcos im attaching a very big file to my mum so tt she can print it for my cm2142 paper on tuesday 1pm.
as i was on the way home, i thot about alot of stuff. this path has been so wrong for me. from the day i got into crescent till this very day, perhaps it has been such a wrong path.
when i first got my PSLE result slip, it read 247. delighted, i was. of course, who wldnt be? and i happily went to crescent. i went there bcos i liked the uniform and bcos it was just beside my grandma's place. (i stayed there when i was young.) 5 min walk only. my peers woke up at 6am to prepare for sch while i wake up at 6.45am.
i didnt know entering a girls' sch could be so different from a mixed sch. but well, tt is beside the point. the point is, entering such a good sch (as everyone presumed it to be) was a form of pressure itself. i was ranked the last during my sec 1 year. and i worked hard during sec 2 to pull it all back. and then gradually, as we went on to sec 3, everyone was made to take pure science regardless of aptitude. i took pure physics (which i very much dread) and pure chemistry (which was supposedly my passion). and as usual, double maths, double humans, double language. everyone thot i was smart. yeah, i thot i was too cos most of my peers (outside sch) took sub science.
i had a chemistry teacher that cldnt teach very well. i cldnt ustand wat she was talking most of time. nt just me, all of my friends. so i decided to study on my own to pull up my grades. i took my chemistry textbook (which i still keep it in a v good condition till this very day) and started revision on my own. and guess wat? i managed to ustand most of the concepts tt most of my peers cldnt. i did well during chemistry quizzes and tests. so ahhh, u see, i thot i was good in chemistry.
a thin line between passion and being good at something.
my sch had abt 97% of the entire cohort entering a JC. so being a copycat and a trend follower, i entered SAJC. i was disappointed that i got a A2 for my geography when it cld have been a A1. since chemistry was A1, so might as well do chemistry rite? i figured out that i cant write (it is still true :D) so i chose the science stream. wat else can i take? maths C, chemistry and econ.
physics? no, i cant ustand physics theories well.
F maths? i used to like maths, but you know, sometimes overly-intensive practice makes one sick.
biology? cannot, no biology background.
then no more oreadi can.
so i happily stuck to this combination. gradually got my A level results. of course, i was happy w my results. i cld choose anything faculty i wan.
nus
business? no, i didnt have any interest at all.
engineering? cant la, i sux at physics.
arts? I CANT WRITE.
design? i didnt think of tt cos i always link art and craft to design. i always get c6 for art.
music? i bet u dun wanna hear me sing.
law/medicine/dentistry? no interest.
smu
sch of business, accountacy, info system? NEVER CROSS MY MIND BEFORE.
ntu
same as smu la.
now these reasons are nt imtp.
the impt thing to recognise is i am in nus - faculty of science. why? cos my chemistry got A, my maths got A, so i reckon tt i am good at SCIENCES. okay, so w/o any consideration, i chose faculty of science.
now, i dunno where i am. i cant seem to comprehend science theories and i find them a hurdle to overcome. it is tough and my understanding of such theories have worsen. sumtimes i try to console myself by telling myself tt the scholars ususally occupy the first half of the bell curve, leaving local students with grades of Bs and Cs. but hey, im lying to myself if i really say tt rite? cos i've seen smart and intelligent local students as well. esp those who graduated from poly.
i like the feeling when pp go WOW YOU STUDY CHEMISTRY? WAH SO CHIM. or people also go like WAH U SO SMART AH, CHEMISTRY NOT EASY TO STUDY. (i found out that you dun need straight As to enter faculty of science. average of Bs and As will do.) or they also say U STUDY CHEMISTRY? SURE NOT? YOU ARE NOT GEEKY WAT. but i cant lie to myself anymore.
the only thing left is either i am lazy or i have no aptitude.
no, it shldnt be either or. it shld be AND.
you guys must wonder why im harping on this all the time. bcos to me, it is impt for me to do sth tt is related to my degree. i often dream of working in a lab, doing my R&D, performing quality control. or i will imagine myself getting a phd and everyone would have to address me as dr yong.
you know sth? nippon came up with the odourless paint. i had this idea since sec 4. i told myself to enter into the paint or pen-ink or other material related industry when i grow up. one down. nothing for me to dream of anymore.
life itself is short. i wanna live my life doing sth related to my passion otherwise life would be monotonous and boring.
since my presumed chemistry turned out to be such a mistake, i have to look for alternatives.
i regret not going for the emirates flight attendant interview on wedneday at grand corpthrone hotel.
but it is alrite. such chances will come by again.
first, i have to complete my degree.
then, i will look into my interest again. for now, event management would be my top interest besides the dream to travel the world.
PS: im nt withdrawing myself frm my dreams and presumed interest bcos i cant compete w the scholars to get good results. but rather the intensive revision and the close interaction that i have with this field has made me realised that you need passion to carry on doing it. sth which i lack very much. whether im good at it or not, is one issue. but you need to like it before u can imagine urself doing it for the rest of ur life. im nt an idealist. but really, who wldnt wanna do sth tt is closely related to themselves or their degree/masters/phd for their rest of their life to better it?
wat a thin line btw passion and being good at something.
posted by Jo | 2:48 PM
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