perhaps i really whined too much, but maybe it is true bcos i aint happy.
i aint happy because of what i am doing now. i really dislike the fact that im working for the sake of money only. but i have no choice because i got so many plans coming up. but my principles in life are clear and simple xian ku hou tian. the bitter first, then the sweet. i knew this theory since young cos i used it to apply on meals. i always finished up the rice (ku) and then enjoyed my dishes (tian).
i wonder if i have the energy to finish typing what i wanna say tonight.
blog is gg to be locked up tmr night. i got the html already. just lazy to add it into my current template.
when i was really young, perhaps in the primary sch days, i wanted to be a teacher. because i saw the smiles that teachers had during teachers day celebration. (yes for that one pathetic day only) i used to give teachers one red pen each because i had to give each and every teacher as they all knew me. then somehow later i feel that i cant match up to their patience and i realised i cant teach (thru the various coaching with my peers) so i gave up on this idea.
then in secondary school days time, i wanted to be an ah lian. i thot they were cool and they ruled the world. so i tried, in the end i got my ass set on fire when i saw policemen walking towards my direction on one night when i just ended work. and i trembled with fear with someone asked me for a right. nono, cannot, i am too timid, too coward liao. so i went back to be a student.
then when i finally worked hard during my last term of sec 2 and got into a not too bad class in sec3, i exceled in chemistry and told myself that i want a PHD and everyone would have to start calling me dr yong or prof yong.
in jc, i thot i would continue the dream of being a chemist and proceeded on with my pseudo interest all the way to uni.
right, and when i was in uni, i always cursed air stewardesses because i thot they were just pretty vases who had no brains. (i had sth against air stewardesses back then) i always prided myself in being an intelligent student who studied chemistry because i had technical knowledge that noone had. dunno what happened, the travel bug caught me (most prob due to the job that allows me to earn and spend freely most of the time) i wanted to be an air stewardess so badly that i dreamt of it every night.
a few weeks back, i realised "eh, i dun really wanna be serving coffee and steak to arrogant businessman who may just snap at me if his steak is not well done." okay, so i changed my direction to events management. something tt i had been doing most of the time, like planning little events eg chalet, my days etc.
the point is, my goals/plans change all the time. and i am not afraid to admit it because i believe so long i have a goal then, i am not lost.
over the years, i have observed how easily i get upset when my plan/goal does not work.
like before i entered uni, the straight As me yayapapaya said to everyone that i will get into dean list the first sem.
RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED? OF COURSE DIDNT LA IF NOT I WOULD HAVE LONG POSTED IT HERE.
and i got really upset. cos i thot i was always academically inclined and not getting into dean list was a fatal blow to me. so never mind, i told myself to get 2nd upper classs honours.
THEN ALAMAK, MY SINGAPORE STUDIES PULLED ME DOWN. and im was like wtf man.
right, and a few sems passed, i improved at times, i sucked at times. but the thing is, i realise when i let go of certain things, it made me a happier person.
of course i dun mean to say that u can fail all the way in uni, but to learn to close one eye when things dun meet ur expectations make u a little happier. i know there are people who may argue that if we dun meet our expectations all the time, we cant go further than what we wan ourselves to go. hmm, tt is true. but to me, to meet expectations all the time and to constantly blame urself for not being able to achieve this certain standards or to have a certain form of expectations and then just pat urself by telling urself that u have done the best at the end of the day when u dun succeed, i rather choose the latter.
it may seem like the easier way out and i can assure you, it is. it is such coward of me to choose the easier way, but ya? does it even bother you? i like my current state. at the end of it, i may not have achieved as much as my peers did, im in control of the enjoyment that i obtain during the whole process.
my fren today made a comment abt me, she said i dont plan ahead and it affected her.
i only wanna say i do plan ahead and think of the future, but sumtimes i feel that worrying/thinking abt future things which are beyond our control is indeed a burden. i dont mind carrying the burden if it is something that is going to benefit me in the long run, say having a goal to be a prof and then plan ur education. or perhaps to be a future HR manager and then to get a job in the HR department first. or even simple things like planning a lovely surprise bbq party for ur sister's 21st bday.
to think of things that we cant grasp is tiring and it dulls one person because we are always in search of things that we cant predict. and because changes are the only things that stay constant in everyone's life, that makes it harder for us to think.
i got a fren of mine who used to say i was a planner. i plan my days ahead and sumtimes i will sms my fren and ask "eh XXXX, u free to meet on 12th aug this sat?" and i will proceed to jot the date down in my notebook and grinned to myself that i got a date on tt day but at times to get pissed because the date was cancelled because XXXX cant make it.
i did that all the time and i got myself unhappy because 1001 frens cancel their appointments with me all the time.
what for?!
after a short conversation with mama tt day, i find joy in doing little things on my own if i happen to have a free day. she called it the me-quality-time. and shld i get any date, i will just pop by or agree. as simple as tt. sumtimes it is the element of surprise that thrills one instead of the predicted/arranged meet ups.
i plan but i plan thing where i have more control.
to the unpredictable future and the ever-changing faces of life, i leave it to fate. to think and bring oneself down is simply not my cup of tea anymore ever since i realised the importance to be happy. i want my fren to be happy too. to be truly happy from the bottom of her heart. soemtimes, if there is a easier alternative, why not? life is tough enough, no point in giving redundant pressure.
to plan for things that can be controlled is good because it allows us to reach our goals. to plan for things that we cant even imagine is not only pointless and also deterimental in all ways that u may not even know.
the cup is half filled or half empty? certainly the former.
i aint happy because of what i am doing now. i really dislike the fact that im working for the sake of money only. but i have no choice because i got so many plans coming up. but my principles in life are clear and simple xian ku hou tian. the bitter first, then the sweet. i knew this theory since young cos i used it to apply on meals. i always finished up the rice (ku) and then enjoyed my dishes (tian).
i wonder if i have the energy to finish typing what i wanna say tonight.
blog is gg to be locked up tmr night. i got the html already. just lazy to add it into my current template.
when i was really young, perhaps in the primary sch days, i wanted to be a teacher. because i saw the smiles that teachers had during teachers day celebration. (yes for that one pathetic day only) i used to give teachers one red pen each because i had to give each and every teacher as they all knew me. then somehow later i feel that i cant match up to their patience and i realised i cant teach (thru the various coaching with my peers) so i gave up on this idea.
then in secondary school days time, i wanted to be an ah lian. i thot they were cool and they ruled the world. so i tried, in the end i got my ass set on fire when i saw policemen walking towards my direction on one night when i just ended work. and i trembled with fear with someone asked me for a right. nono, cannot, i am too timid, too coward liao. so i went back to be a student.
then when i finally worked hard during my last term of sec 2 and got into a not too bad class in sec3, i exceled in chemistry and told myself that i want a PHD and everyone would have to start calling me dr yong or prof yong.
in jc, i thot i would continue the dream of being a chemist and proceeded on with my pseudo interest all the way to uni.
right, and when i was in uni, i always cursed air stewardesses because i thot they were just pretty vases who had no brains. (i had sth against air stewardesses back then) i always prided myself in being an intelligent student who studied chemistry because i had technical knowledge that noone had. dunno what happened, the travel bug caught me (most prob due to the job that allows me to earn and spend freely most of the time) i wanted to be an air stewardess so badly that i dreamt of it every night.
a few weeks back, i realised "eh, i dun really wanna be serving coffee and steak to arrogant businessman who may just snap at me if his steak is not well done." okay, so i changed my direction to events management. something tt i had been doing most of the time, like planning little events eg chalet, my days etc.
the point is, my goals/plans change all the time. and i am not afraid to admit it because i believe so long i have a goal then, i am not lost.
over the years, i have observed how easily i get upset when my plan/goal does not work.
like before i entered uni, the straight As me yayapapaya said to everyone that i will get into dean list the first sem.
RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED? OF COURSE DIDNT LA IF NOT I WOULD HAVE LONG POSTED IT HERE.
and i got really upset. cos i thot i was always academically inclined and not getting into dean list was a fatal blow to me. so never mind, i told myself to get 2nd upper classs honours.
THEN ALAMAK, MY SINGAPORE STUDIES PULLED ME DOWN. and im was like wtf man.
right, and a few sems passed, i improved at times, i sucked at times. but the thing is, i realise when i let go of certain things, it made me a happier person.
of course i dun mean to say that u can fail all the way in uni, but to learn to close one eye when things dun meet ur expectations make u a little happier. i know there are people who may argue that if we dun meet our expectations all the time, we cant go further than what we wan ourselves to go. hmm, tt is true. but to me, to meet expectations all the time and to constantly blame urself for not being able to achieve this certain standards or to have a certain form of expectations and then just pat urself by telling urself that u have done the best at the end of the day when u dun succeed, i rather choose the latter.
it may seem like the easier way out and i can assure you, it is. it is such coward of me to choose the easier way, but ya? does it even bother you? i like my current state. at the end of it, i may not have achieved as much as my peers did, im in control of the enjoyment that i obtain during the whole process.
my fren today made a comment abt me, she said i dont plan ahead and it affected her.
i only wanna say i do plan ahead and think of the future, but sumtimes i feel that worrying/thinking abt future things which are beyond our control is indeed a burden. i dont mind carrying the burden if it is something that is going to benefit me in the long run, say having a goal to be a prof and then plan ur education. or perhaps to be a future HR manager and then to get a job in the HR department first. or even simple things like planning a lovely surprise bbq party for ur sister's 21st bday.
to think of things that we cant grasp is tiring and it dulls one person because we are always in search of things that we cant predict. and because changes are the only things that stay constant in everyone's life, that makes it harder for us to think.
i got a fren of mine who used to say i was a planner. i plan my days ahead and sumtimes i will sms my fren and ask "eh XXXX, u free to meet on 12th aug this sat?" and i will proceed to jot the date down in my notebook and grinned to myself that i got a date on tt day but at times to get pissed because the date was cancelled because XXXX cant make it.
i did that all the time and i got myself unhappy because 1001 frens cancel their appointments with me all the time.
what for?!
after a short conversation with mama tt day, i find joy in doing little things on my own if i happen to have a free day. she called it the me-quality-time. and shld i get any date, i will just pop by or agree. as simple as tt. sumtimes it is the element of surprise that thrills one instead of the predicted/arranged meet ups.
i plan but i plan thing where i have more control.
to the unpredictable future and the ever-changing faces of life, i leave it to fate. to think and bring oneself down is simply not my cup of tea anymore ever since i realised the importance to be happy. i want my fren to be happy too. to be truly happy from the bottom of her heart. soemtimes, if there is a easier alternative, why not? life is tough enough, no point in giving redundant pressure.
to plan for things that can be controlled is good because it allows us to reach our goals. to plan for things that we cant even imagine is not only pointless and also deterimental in all ways that u may not even know.
the cup is half filled or half empty? certainly the former.
posted by Jo | 1:23 AM
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